


On the Cusp of Everything

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-19
Updated: 2004-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-01 07:37:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/353841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Standing on the edge still means you can fall either way.<br/>Sequel to *Fade to Nothing*. Please read that story before this one.<br/>WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Cusp of Everything

## On the Cusp of Everything

by Chibimom

[]()

* * *

On the Cusp of Everything 

By Chibimom 

_so hard_... 

_urges_... 

_i can't, i can't, i can't_... 

_i've fooled everyone_... 

_everyone but myself_... 

* * *

He scrutinized his long, lanky, nude form in the full length mirror. Dr. Sayed would be happy... he'd gained another two pounds this week. Fuck her! Lex spread his hands over his belly... the belly he hadn't had three months ago. Why? Why? Why was every ounce of weight he gained ending up on his gut? Jesus! He looked pregnant. 

What he couldn't see were the prominent rib bones, hip bones and scapula. Lex's weight rode the elevator up and down weekly. He sat on the floor and leaned back against his bed... he couldn't see his dick for his paunch. Well, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe if he jerked off he would feel better. Lex reached for his cock and began to stroke it. After 30 seconds he gave up... the thing was dead... just like the rest of him. Closing his eyes, Lex sighed. It was 7:30 and he had a meeting at the shit factory at 8:30. He would have to get his ass in gear to make it on time. 

Denise, his secretary, met him as he entered his office. She had a tray with orange juice, coffee, a small bowl of plain mini-wheats with skim milk and artificial sweetener. Lex glared at her as she put the tray on his desk.   
"Your breakfast, Sir." Denise smiled, ignoring Lex's stare. 

Denise knew it was on his menu for Tuesday mornings. Lex had worked on his breakfast and lunch menus for the office with the help of Dr. Sayed's dietician. Sometimes he ate. Sometimes he didn't. Sometimes he ate some of it. On a good day he'd eat most of it. 

Lex ate a few bites of the cereal and downed his coffee. He took his glass of orange juice with him as he left his office and headed down the corridor to the meeting room. He was surprised to find his father pacing around the mahogany table while Gabe Sullivan, the plant manager, and several other supervisors sat fidgeting in their chairs. 

Great! Just what he needed. Daddy. 

"Dad... why are you gracing us with your presence?" Lex asked and sat in his mesh chair at the head of the table. Tipping the glass back, he gulped the last of his orange juice. 

"I came to oversee your meeting." Lionel kept pacing, his black coat whipping around his legs. "Call it an audit of your continuing recovery." 

Lex kept his steely glare, reaching deep inside for the resolve to keep calm. He mustn't let his father have the satisfaction of seeing his anger. How dare his father embarrass him in front of his staff. 

"Gabe, everyone... we'll reschedule this meeting. Denise will call you." Lex's foot was tapping wildly under the table. He had to get his anger under control. 

"Uh, sure Lex... no problem." Gabe attempted a smile, then ushered the group out of the conference room. 

"What do you really want, Dad?" Lex's voice cracked slightly. Damn, Lionel would immediately pick up on that slip. 

"I want to take over responsibility for the plant while you're still sick." Lionel sounded like he was asking for tea and biscuits instead of asking to take away Lex's hard earned Company. 

"You have to be out of your mind, Dad. The plant was in the care of Gabe Sullivan while I was in the hospital. At least Gabe didn't try to steal it away from me. And I actually had a company to come back to." Lex stood and strolled to the bar. 

"Isn't it a bit early for a drink, son?" Lionel smirked. 

Lex ignored him and retrieved a bottle of Ty-Nant and returned to the table. If Lionel felt slighted at not being offered something, he didn't show it. 

"I think it's time for you to leave, Dad." Lex held on tight to the blue bottle to keep from shaking. "LexCorp will be fine. I'm fine. Now go!" 

"Such an unpleasantness, Lex." Lionel rose and headed for the door. "I was only offering assistance to my beleaguered son in his hour of need." With a twinkling in his eyes, Lionel pulled the door shut behind him. 

Lex thought he would break the Ty-Nant bottle in his bare hand as he gritted his teeth together. 

* * *

" _father no_!" 

" _shh, it's okay_..." 

" _our little secret_..." 

" _don't bother Mother, she's sick_ " 

_pain_... 

_shame_... 

_nightmares_... 

_oreos_... 

_maybe just two_... 

_beloved spoon_... 

_just where i left it_... 

* * *

Clark opened the back door quietly, carrying Lex's produce into the mud room where he wiped his boots. Opening the door to the kitchen, Clark came to a screeching halt at the sounds coming from inside. 

Retching... The garbage disposal was going and Clark saw Lex's long thin body bending over the sink sticking a spoon handle down his throat. Clark immediately looked away and set the produce box on a shelf in the mud room. He waited until the disposal and water were turned off. Not wanting to confront his friend, Clark picked up the produce and re-entered the kitchen. 

"Oh, hi Lex." Clark smiled brightly. "I have some great strawberries from the greenhouse this week." 

Lex looked like a doe caught in the headlights of a very big car. Clark watched as Lex quickly pulled himself together and strolled over to see what Clark brought this week. 

"They do look good, Clark." Lex picked up one and popped it in his mouth. "Wonderful! Did you just get here?" 

Clark thought about his response carefully. Should he lie and give Lex his privacy? Should he tell the truth and humiliate Lex? God he wanted to help... he just didn't know what to do. In the end he went with the truth. 

"No, Lex, I've been here for a few minutes." 

"Oh." Lex turned from Clark and wiped his mouth on his arm. "I never wanted you to see me like that. Disgusting, wasn't it?" 

"Lex, you are never disgusting." Clark immediately pulled Lex to him and wrapped his arms around the still too-slim body. "Dr. Sayed said it would take time. What triggered the binge this time? Lionel in town?" 

"God, Clark, I let him worm his way under my skin. Today he tried to take over leadership of LexCorp." Lex nestled his head against Clark's warm flannel-covered chest. 

"You're strong, Lex, you don't need him." Clark rubbed large circles into Lex's back. "If you aren't busy tonight, Mom said I can stay over. I've finished my chores. I just need to be home by 5 pm tomorrow afternoon." 

"That sounds really great, Clark. I need to brush my teeth. Meet you in the entertainment room in a few minutes?" 

Clark smiled and nodded. "I'll just put this produce away." 

Lex trudged slowly out of the kitchen. He looked like a fallen warrior. Clark saw the dark purple shadows under Lex's grey eyes and the defeated slump of his shoulders. Lex was struggling... flailing... desperate. This was not about weight. It was about self-confidence and Lex had none. It was about control and Lex seemed to have little... just what went in and out of his mouth. 

Clark sighed as he put the strawberries in the refrigerator. He pulled out a Pepsi and popped the top. How could he help Lex regain some of his self-confidence? How could he convince Lex that he did have control over his life? He just had to reach out and take it. 

Lex had even lost his confidence in bed and had tried to drive Clark away with anger and hostility. How could a Luthor admit to impotence? An eating disorder was bad enough. Clark refused to let his friend push him away. He took everything Lex threw at him and still came back for more. Clark didn't care if they weren't intimate... holding and caressing were just fine by him. 

Taking a sip of his pop, Clark walked down the hall to the entertainment room. The TV was already on, but Lex was nowhere in sight. Clark went upstairs, taking the steps 2 or 3 at time. Lex wasn't in his bedroom or bathroom. Hmmm. He x-rayed the area and found his friend in the rear of his huge walk-in closet sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest. 

"Lex..." Clark called softly, pushing aside designer clothes, trying not to trip on $5,000 pairs of shoes. 

"Clark, please... just go. I want to be alone." Lex's voice was so quiet, Clark barely heard him. 

"I'm not leaving Lex." Clark stumbled and ended up on his butt, right next to his friend. Clark laughed at himself, but Lex hid his face in his hands. "Anyway, I don't think you really want to be alone." 

"Fuck you." Lex said quietly. "You don't know what I want." 

"Well, maybe not. But I'm not leaving you alone. Do you want to tell ghost stories here in the dark? 

A half chuckle rumbled deep in Lex's throat. Clark smiled at how easy it was for him to raise his friend's spirits when no doctor could. 

"Did you bring a flashlight, Clark?" 

"Flashlights are for sissies, Lex. We don't need one." Clark pulled Lex to him, settling the older man between his legs, back to Clark's chest. Clark cradled Lex's head under his chin. 

"Okay, I'll start," Clark said. "Hmmm. Let's see. Have you heard the one about the psycho surgeon who removes people's kidneys and...?" 

"Clark," Lex began, frowning. "That's an old urban legend..." 

"No! It really happened to someone at school." 

* * *

Lex felt like he was on stage. Everywhere he went people watched him. He could feel eyes burning into his back and he couldn't help but look over his shoulder. Of course whenever he looked, no one was staring. Fuck them all... they always knew when to turn away! 

While tramping around the plant, he walked up to Gabe and leaned into his manager's personal space. Gabe was checking some readings above a valve against notes on his clipboard. 

"Why were you staring at me?" Lex demanded, anger and contempt obvious in his voice. 

"Sir?" Gabe was startled. "Lex, I didn't even know you were there. I was checking these..." Gabe held up his clipboard in defense. 

"Like hell..." Lex mumbled, walking off, leaving Gabe with a puzzled expression. 

Lex stormed back to his office. Denise was waiting as he entered. 

"Mr. Wong is here to see you." She stood to speak. "He's not on your schedule... I assume you arranged for his appointment?" 

Lex saw right through her little charade. Denise noticed that his clothes were getting tight again and asked Wong to come over unannounced. Lex was furious. He threw open his office door and saw his tailor arranging fabric swatches on Lex's glass desk. 

"So you think I'm getting fat too?" He whipped around the smaller man, sliding into his leather desk chair. "I can wear what I have now. I don't need anything new." 

"Good morning to you too," Wong said dryly. "Actually, I came by to show you the latest fabrics and styles for Spring. I thought you might want to pick out a few things. Also, Christmas is just a few weeks away. Do you want a new tux for your Company Christmas Party?" 

"Sorry." Lex couldn't look Wong in the eyes. "Yes, I need something new. New Year's also." 

"Fine." Wong took his tape measure and Lex stood up and removed his suit jacket to have his measurements taken. "I don't want to know what they are." Lex grimaced as Wong wrapped the tape around his chest. 

"Okay... now... what color shirt were you thinking of? I have a very nice pale mulberry..." 

* * *

_nooooo_... 

_too soon_... 

_party_... 

_terrified_... 

_must go this year_... 

_pain_... 

" _no son_..." 

" _daddy_... 

_it hurts_..." 

" _daddy loves his little boy_..." 

" _nooooooooooooo_..." 

* * *

"You aren't going to dump me for Lana again, are you?" Lex scrutinized Clark as the boy stacked straw inside the barn. Immediately, he knew it was a catty remark... an undeserved one at that. But he couldn't help himself. Damn. He'd come here to see if Clark needed a new suit for the Christmas Party. He knew Clark had grown since last year. 

Clark's shoulders slumped, turning to face Lex who had just entered the barn. 

"No." Clark sat on one of the bales, hung his head and chewed on his lower lip. "That was low, Lex. I've tried to make up for hurting you." 

"Just checking." Fuck... why did he say that? He sat down beside Clark on the bale of straw. "I'm sorry, Clark. You didn't deserve that." Lex absently picked at the straw. 

Lex watched as Clark turned to him and searched his sad, grey eyes. Slowly, Clark leaned over and placed a kiss on Lex's cheek. He pulled the older man to him and began to kiss his face. Lex sighed and opened his mouth to Clark's insistent tongue. A look of rediscovery of a taste he couldn't live without sent shivers down Lex's body. Lex moaned and that was all Clark needed. 

Clark dropped to his knees in front of Lex and slowly undid the expensive, lizard belt encircling the waistband of finely tailored slacks. The popped button shot across the loft and suddenly Clark was nuzzling Lex's groin, inhaling the clean, pure male scent. 

"You smell so good, Lex." 

"Clark, no," Lex protested softly. "Don't..." His body tensed under Clark's hands. 

"Lex, please, let me do this. I need you. I need to taste you." Clark looked up at his friend with pleading hazel eyes. The lust in his voice was unmistakable, his hand encircling Lex's limp cock insistent. 

"Clark..." Lex pushed him away, panic rising in his throat. "No. I can't... you can't... stop." 

"Why?" The boy kissed the head of Lex's cock and took it into his mouth, but the organ remained soft. 

"I said NO!" Lex pushed Clark away with all his strength, sending the boy sprawling across the rough floor of the loft. Lex stood, zipped up his slacks and picked up his belt. He headed for the stairs, embarrassment and anger raging inside. 

"Lex!" Clark called after him, scrambling to his feet. He beat the older man to the bottom of the stairs and blocked his retreat. "I'm sorry. I just thought I could make you feel good." 

"Get out of my way, Clark." Lex's eyes were mere slits. 

Clark moved and Lex strode out of the barn to his Porsche which was parked in the Kent driveway. 

"Please, Lex. Don't leave like this. I'm sorry." Clark watched as Lex got into his car. 

Lex hesitated, resting his forehead on the steering wheel. "Clark... everything will be okay." Lex sighed. "I just need time." He turned the key in the ignition and the Porsche roared to life. 

"Okay." Clark's mouth smiled even if his eyes couldn't. He stepped back as Lex turned the car around and sped down the driveway. 

Jonathan was watching through the screen door when Clark went inside. A hand on Clark's shoulder kept him from running upstairs. 

"What was that about?" Jonathan's voice was deep and wary. 

"Nothing, Dad." Clark looked up. "Lex had something to take care of." 

"Son." Jonathan searched Clark's eyes but didn't find what he was looking for. "Be careful... Lex..." 

"Don't Dad," Clark said, stepping away from his father. "Just... don't." He pulled out of Jonathan's grip and went upstairs to his room. 

* * *

The painted lines on the highway mocked him as they danced brilliantly in the glow of the halogen headlights. 

"You're okay. You're okay. You're okay." The bright yellow lines chanted. 

Lex pressed the accelerator to the floor in an attempt to outrun the mantra in his head. He wasn't okay. He was far from okay. He would never be okay again. Luckily there were few cars on the highway tonight. Not many people heading to Metropolis at 10 o'clock on a Tuesday night. He could now see the outline of the city's skyscrapers against the clear, black sky. 

Pulling into the Luthorcorp building, Lex left the car with the valet and rode the elevator to the 34th floor. He punched in the security code outside the penthouse apartment and quickly went inside. 

The penthouse held some of his finest club clothes from the `old' days. He rummaged through his closet and found a pair of black, skin-tight leather pants. Lex chuckled, knowing how tight they would be because he'd gained a few pounds since Wong had made them. A nice stretch silver-blue sleeveless, waist-length tee-shirt would work well, he thought, quickly pulling it over his head. He stepped into the slacks and sensuously tugged them up over his hips. Standing in front of the three-way mirror, Lex appraised himself. Not bad... he was still fat, but if he painted his face just right, no one would be looking at his gut. He fingered his stomach and looked into the side mirror. The mirror reflected a concave abdomen, but lying eyes saw a huge bulge. Carefully applied make-up made him look like 18 year-old hard trade again. 

Lex smiled as he glanced over the dance floor of Anubis. Many of the same people where here that were here six years and more ago. Lex gave them the same disdainful looks. Even the music had changed little. The beat and pulsing lights only intensified the sexual tension in the air. He leaned back against the bar, carelessly, feet crossed in front of him. Clouds of arrogance engulfed him. Here, he had no condition. Here, no one told him what to do. 

Lex felt in his element. Men flashed admiring glances his way, but Lex ignored them. One of them held up a thousand dollar bill and Lex licked his lips, but mouthed `fuck you'. The man flipped him off, cursed and returned to the undulating mass. 

Another scotch arrived and Lex downed it just like the three before it. With nothing in his stomach but the alcohol, he was beginning to feel the effects... he wanted more. 

Lex meandered through the sweating, pulsing crowd toward the restrooms. Like the Red Sea, the dancers parted before him, not even realizing what they were doing. Lex smiled slyly. These people knew who he was. He was respected here. Once inside the bathroom, he retrieved a syringe, a packet of white powder and a tiny flat spoon from the concealed flap in the waistband of his leather pants. A gentleman standing next to him offered a latex band to tighten around his arm and a lighter to liquify the powder. How gracious, Lex thought. He filled and plunged the syringe into a nice plump vein and loosened the band. The rush was ecstatic. God... why had he ever quit? 

The dance floor now rumbled his name sultrily to him as he sauntered toward the strobe lights and sexual anxiety. As if a part of the music, his hips swayed in time with the beat; long slender arms held high, clasped above his head. His face shone with a fine sheen of perspiration. He licked his lips and closed his eyes. I'll never give this up again... 

The man with the thousand dollar bill moved up behind Lex and ground his erection into Lex's hard ass. Lex's arms moved down behind him to tug at the man's hair and encircle his head. The man reached around Lex and rubbed his chest through the fine silver knit. He carefully pushed the thousand dollar bill into the waistband of Lex's pants. Lex fingered the bill and pushed back against the hard cock. 

"Change your mind?" The sexual whisper tickled Lex's ear. 

"Hmmmmmmmm," was as coherent as Lex could muster. 

The man reached around with one hand and cupped Lex's cock, stroking it through the tight leather. Lex moaned and leaned into the touch. With the other hand, the man pinched Lex's nipple. A hearty groan escaped Lex's throat. 

"Got someplace we can go?" The man asked. "You deserve better than the back hallway, my beautiful boy." 

"Uh huh," Lex moaned, taking the man's arm to lead him out of the club. 

* * *

_red glitter blush_... 

_thick black eyeliner_... 

_smeared_... 

_smiling_... 

_more smack on the table_... 

_thousand dollar bill soaked in spunk_... 

_satisfied with the pain_... 

_pain makes you worthy_... 

_pain makes you whole_... 

" _why daddy_?" 

* * *

"No, Clark. He isn't in today." Denise's voice, though steady, was tinged with worry. 

"Okay, thanks." Clark pressed the end button on his cell phone. Not at work... Clark dialed the mansion. Lex had already failed to answer his cell. 

"He isn't here, Clark," Frances said, with no attempt to hide her concern. "I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon." 

"I'm sure he's fine, Frances," Clark said unconvincingly. "I'll have him call you when I catch up to him." Clark clicked off the phone. 

If Lex wasn't at work... and he wasn't at home... and he's not at the Talon... and won't answer his cell phone... maybe he went to Metropolis. Sometimes Lex used the penthouse apartment as a reclusive getaway. Clark hoped that was the case. 

Clark cantered down the stairs, kissed his mom "goodbye, see you later," and ran out the door before anyone could stop him. Speeding to Metropolis all Clark could think about was Lex... was Lex okay... The Luthorcorp building stood tall and reflected the morning sun like a brilliant golden shield. Clark buzzed past security and up the stairs to the 34th floor. 

"Lex..." Clark knocked softly on the apartment door. He pushed slightly and went inside. "Lex? Where are... Oh my god!" 

Lex was lying naked in a heap on the recreation room floor, bleeding from his mouth, his nose, his ears and his rectum. In an instant Clark was by his side, carefully cradling his friend's ragged face in his lap. Smudges of black liner under Lex's drugged-red eyes; the rosy glittered cheeks so unnatural against the rivulets of crimson drying on his bruised face. 

"Lex... Lex..." Clark spoke softly, quickly x-raying the battered body. He would kill whoever did this to Lex. "Please Lex. What happened?" 

"Uhhhhhhhh." Lex's eyes fluttered, then he smiled. "Clark... Wha' happen' to th' party?" He moaned and closed his eyes again. 

Clark found a broken cheekbone, two cracked ribs, one broken finger, anal tears, and scratches and bruises too numerous to count. More disturbing were the syringes and empty packets littering the carpet and the track marks on the inside of Lex's arm. Clark quickly opened his cell phone and hit the speed dial for Toby, Lex's discretionary physician. Clark grabbed a nearby pillow and placed it under Lex's head. He retrieved a bowl of tap water and cloth plus a bottle of TyNant from the kitchen. 

"Clarrrrr..." Lex moaned softly. "That you?" The drugs obviously had kept him from feeling much pain, but they were beginning to wear off. Lex reached to touch his broken cheek only to have his hand caught in mid-air. 

"Easy, Lex," Clark said, examining the ragged fingernails, tinged with blood. "You were raped." Clark's voice was gentle. 

"Raaape? Naaaaw... parrrty." Lex drawled, trying to roll onto his side. He didn't make it and vomited booze and bile all over himself and Clark. 

Clark's jaw set and anger filled his eyes. He wanted to shake Lex as hard as he dared. He wanted to scream as loud as he could. His frustration level was maxing out. But Clark took a deep breath and reminded himself that his friend was ill and he would not run out on him. Gently, Clark dipped the cloth in the warm water and wiped around Lex's mouth. Clark lifted Lex's head and held the blue bottle to his lips. Lex choked on the water and Clark sat the bottle on the carpet. 

The doorbell sounded and Clark lay Lex's head back onto the pillow. He leapt to the door to find Toby waiting outside. The grizzled doctor smiled wryly as he walked inside the apartment. 

"What'd Lex get himself into this time?" Toby shook his head as he looked down at his patient. "Fuuuck." 

"Yeah." Clark agreed and kneeled next to Toby, waiting for instructions. 

* * *

"Keep him in bed and give him Tylenol, nothing stronger," Toby said as he gave Lex a glaring eye. "I won't have him getting addicted again. No use trading one addiction for another." 

Clark's eyes grew large and his mouth gaped open. Yes, he could see bulimia as an addiction. Lex had explained it as an all-consuming desire, no, need to binge and purge. 

"Yes, my boy here had quite the habit when he was younger. But went cold turkey and beat it when he was 20. Good thing he does heal fast, though... will get him through the pain quick." Toby sighed softly, running his hand through his long stringy hair. "Clark... you know, I don't think Lex has hit bottom yet. Can you hold on for him until he does?" 

"Yes," Clark answered without hesitation as Toby packed away his supplies. 

"Get some food into him, Toby said, checking Lex's pulse one last time. "Broth or something light." 

Lex was already moaning by the time Clark let Toby out of the apartment. Clark quickly heated some chicken and rice soup he found in the cupboard and tried to feed a bit to his patient. 

"Clark! Get that shit away from me." Lex screamed, turning his head at the last moment . The spoon bumped his cheek and the hot liquid dribbled down his chin onto the sheets. "You're burning me..." 

Clark sopped up the mess with a napkin and frowned. "Lex you have to eat something. Doctor's orders." 

"Fuck the doctor!" 

"I don't think you really want to," Clark said, trying to add some levity to the situation. Clark could tell that Lex wasn't in the mood for humor when turned a cold eye toward his raven-haired nurse. He stubbornly kept his lips tightly shut and Clark finally set the soup back on the tray. Lex was making this very difficult. 

Clark realized that this was the man most people, including Jonathan, thought was the real Lex Luthor. Rich, spoiled because of it, with no thought to anyone around him. But Clark knew better. He was the only one who took the time to really know this man. This man that he loved. There, he'd said it... even if it was only in his mind. Clark could not let him down. Not this time. 

Lex moaned and tried to scoot down in the bed. "I suppose Toby took away all the good stuff..." 

"Uh huh. Tylenol Lex, that's it." Clark announced sharply, his jaw set. 

"Hrrmph! We'll see..." 

"You need to rest, now," Clark said, ignoring Lex's remark. He pulled the blanket up under Lex's chin. "I have to call my folks, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you wake up." 

"Save me from meddlesome teenagers." Lex grumbled, but his eyes slowly closed. 

Clark waited until Lex's breathing was soft and steady before leaving the bedroom. 

"Uh, hi Dad," Clark fell wearily into the overstuffed couch with the cell phone to his ear. "No Dad, I'm not coming home yet... Yes, Lex needs me... I'm staying the weekend." He held the phone away from his ear when Jonathan lost his temper. "Okay, I can speed home and do my chores, but then I'm coming right back to be with Lex. You're right... that wouldn't be such a good idea, someone might see me. Sunday night, I promise." 

* * *

" _luscious, soft skin_... 

_just like a baby's_... 

_hairless like a cherub_... 

_my pretty boy likes it_... 

_it's okay_... 

_mommy's gone_... 

_daddy understands_... 

_daddy knows what little boys like_... 

_see_???" 

* * *

Clark woke to the piercing scream echoing throughout the apartment. Shit! He'd meant to sleep next to Lex's bed but had fallen asleep on the couch after talking to his father. Lex was sitting up, drenched with sweat, when Clark entered the bedroom. Lex's eyes were wide in terror and Clark knelt beside the bed and gathered him into his arms. 

"Lex, Lex. Shhh. It's okay." Clark held his friend loosely, afraid he might damage the already damaged ribs. Lex hung onto Clark like a life raft. The silk sheets were soaked and Clark pushed the top sheet away and gathered Lex up in the comforter. "Nightmare?" 

Lex buried his face in Clark's chest, while Clark slowly stroked his back under the comforter. Lex nodded. 

"Want to tell me about it?" Clark asked, gently wiping Lex's face with a dry area of the silk sheet. 

"No..." Lex whispered. His eyes were wide and Clark saw real fear in their grey depths. 

"Lex..." 

"Please Clark, don't ask me again. It was only a dream." 

"I think it was more than that, Lex, but I won't press," Clark said sliding his hand up to cup the back of Lex's head. Clark kissed him on the forehead and Lex seemed to calm down. But he was unwilling to loosen his grip on Clark. 

"Stay here with me." 

"Okay, Lex, but let's move to another bedroom with dry sheets. You'll be more comfortable." 

"Sure." Lex disentangled himself from the comforter and Clark helped him out of bed. Lex shivered and Clark sped them into one of the guest bedrooms and slid under the sheets. He quickly undressed to his shorts, threw his clothes across the room and pressed himself up against Lex's quivering body. 

"Don't leave me," Lex said and he pressed back into Clark's chest and tucked Clark's hands up under his chin. 

In a few moments, Lex was asleep again. Sometimes Clark wished that mind reading was one of his talents. 

* * *

Lex felt Clark's hard cock pressing into his lower back when he woke. Motionless, Lex listened to Clark's rhythmic breathing indicating the boy was still asleep. Lex carefully extricated himself from Clark's arms and headed to the bathroom. His own cock hung limply as he walked. His bladder emptied, he sat carefully on the edge of the huge bath tub. God, he felt like shit. It seemed like every inch of his body ached. The face of the man who had fucked him last night remained hidden in the shadows of his mind. 

Lex's stomach growled. Fuck you, he thought. He removed a piece of tile from the wall next to the tub to reveal a small lead-lined box. Opening the door to the box, Lex reached in and pulled out a small packet of white powder. No smack? No problem. Meth would do just fine. He had hiding places all over the apartment even though he hadn't used any in years. 

He quickly lay out a line on the imported Italian marble sink. He blinked and realized he'd been staring at the powder for a few minutes. Was this what he really wanted? Lex decided quickly and sniffed up the powder. He wiped the counter and turned on the tap, rinsing the bowl with a little water. He closed the lead box and replaced the tile. Lex's purple velvet robe hung from a hook in the bathroom. The rush hit him in waves. He grabbed the robe and slipped his arms inside, pulling the belt taut in the front. Without the meth, this small feat would have been impossible. The bottle of Tylenol that Clark had brought from the master bathroom stared at Lex in defiance from the counter. Fuck Toby anyway! 

Clark rustled in the sheets and Lex peered cautiously into the bedroom. The boy was still asleep. Lex tip toed back into the room and carefully opened the door to the hallway. 

"Lex?" Clark whimpered, sleepily, patting the bed looking for his friend. 

Lex stood perfectly still and Clark fell back asleep. Leaving the door slightly ajar, Lex left the bedroom and headed down the hall to the entertainment room. Once there, he poured some orange juice into a glass and added a healthy dash of vodka. 

Lex sighed and his eyes rolled back in his head as the alcohol and meth euphoria engulfed him. 

"There," Lex said aloud, "A fine breakfast." He downed the drink in two gulps, then moved to sit on the grey leather couch. 

The crumpled, semen-stained, thousand dollar bill lay repulsively on the coffee table, which had been pushed aside allowing ample room for a night of degrading fucking on the plush carpet. Lex reached into his robe and stroked his cock. Still nothing. He gently pulled at his balls, rolling them in his warm hand. Dead. He sighed... then yanked them roughly. That action brought tears to his eyes and he fought to swallow down the pain. Obviously he wasn't the one who'd had mind-blowing orgasms. Would the damn thing ever work again? 

His club clothes lay scattered around the room. He reached for the tee-shirt and found several tears in the silk. His leather pants were in better condition; at least he'd gotten them off before the action started. Lex carried the soft leather pants to his bedroom and tossed them on the bed. He dressed, quickly, in casual black slacks and a lavender sweater. There was little pain this morning... not after the drugs and booze. 

Peering into the guest bedroom where Clark had taken him, Lex found the boy still asleep. Good. He padded through the house to the kitchen. 

* * *

Clark woke, his arms wrapped around a plump down pillow. 

"Lex?" He sat up on his elbows and called out again. "Lex?" Swinging his legs over the edge, Clark sprung from the bed. He padded down the hall to the master bedroom. No Lex. His jeans were lying on the floor and he stepped into them and pulled on his tee shirt. Where had his friend gotten to? 

"LEX!" Clark's voice carried through out the apartment. No response. Hmmmm. Maybe he went out for bagels or pastries. Not likely... In the entertainment room Clark found an empty glass which smelled of orange juice and alcohol. Shit... Lex was injured. Why would he leave the apartment? He had to be hurting still. Clark went to check for Lex's keys. Good, they were still in the dish sitting on the table beside the front door. Clark hurried into the kitchen. 

"Lex, oh my god!" 

Lex was sprawled on the kitchen floor surrounded by candy, chip, and donut wrappers. He was lying face down in vomit and blood. Clark grabbed the kitchen phone and dialed 911. 

"Jesus, Lex..." Clark cradled his friend in his arms and wiped out his mouth with a kitchen towel. Lex wasn't breathing. "Oh, no you don't." 

Clark pinched Lex's nose and breathed into his mouth. Clark listened for Lex's heartbeat. Nothing. He checked for any obstructions and began CPR. Clark knew it was dangerous due to Lex's cracked ribs. But a heartbeat and breathing were more important than broken ribs. Luckily Lex's damaged ribs were on his right side. 

Clark kept the CPR going. The paramedics arrived quickly, security giving them entrance to the penthouse. They took over immediately. One continued the CPR while another set up for an IV drip. Tears streamed down Clark's face as they worked on his friend. 

"He's not responding!" One of them yelled. "How long's he been down?" 

Clark grew ashen. "Ummm, his heart wasn't beating when I found him. That was about 10 minutes ago now." 

"Get the paddles," The 1st paramedic called. "Son, stand back." 

Clark went into shock and lowered himself to the floor by the door to the kitchen. He heard Lionel yelling in the background, but he couldn't make out the words. Each time Lex's heart was jolted, his body jumped a few inches off the floor. Clark's ears couldn't make out the words as the paramedics continued. Lex was moved to a gurney. One paramedic knelt over Lex's chest and continued chest compressions as they wheeled him out of the apartment. It took three firemen to keep Lionel from interfering with the transfer. 

"Take him to St. Jude's..." Lionel screamed to the paramedic.. 

"He's going to Metropolis General," He shouted back. "It's the closest." 

Lionel wrested himself away from the firemen and moved to obstruct the paramedics' path. 

"Get out of their way!" Clark yanked on the old man's arm, breaking it. 

Lionel screamed, clutching his arm, but Clark was out the door and down the stairwell before anyone could stop him. 

Clark arrived at the hospital minutes before the ambulance. He was at Lex's side as he was rushed into the emergency room. Clark looked at his watch... Lex had not breathed on his own in over 20 minutes. A nurse caught him as the gurney entered the room. 

"You'll have to wait out here," She said, following the doctor inside. 

Clark stood, staring in the widow as the doctor administered more drugs and more shock treatments to Lex's heart. Half a dozen people worked on his friend. Then... the unthinkable... the doctor looked up at the clock and wrote the time on Lex's chart. A sheet was pulled up over Lex's face. 

"NO!" Clark screamed and pushed through the glass that his hands were resting on. He ran to Lex and gathered the still man into his arms. "Lex, wake up! Wake up! You can't leave me!" 

A nurse tried to pull Clark away, but he whirled around, his eyes burning red. "Stay away from me!" Tears streamed down Clark's face. 

The nurse stepped back and Clark held Lex and rocked his still body. Lionel swept around the corner to find Lex in Clark's arms. He stood there gripping the side of the door, eyes damp. Clark glared at him daring Lionel to come closer. 

"Is he... ?" Lionel slowly sunk into the chair next to Lex's bed. 

The doctor nodded and stooped to speak to Lionel. 

Clark kept hugging Lex's limp body, kissing his blood-stained lips, tracing a finger along the broken jaw. 

"Does the boy have anyone we can call?" A nurse with the name `Joan' on her tag asked Lionel. 

"Umm." Lionel thought for a moment. "Yes, his parents live in Smallville. Martha and Jonathan Kent. Tell them I'll send the helicopter." Joan nodded and left the room. 

Orderlies came to take Lex's body, but Clark refused to give him up. Clark sat there holding Lex for hours. Lionel tried to talk to him, but Clark wouldn't listen. He kept rocking and chanting Lex's name over and over. Jonathan and Martha arrived and attempted to soothe their son, but Clark wouldn't give up Lex's body. 

"Son," Jonathan crooned softly. "You have to let him go. Let these people take him and take care of him. He's gone..." 

"No!" Clark screamed and tightened his hold on Lex. Those close enough could hear the snapping of bones as Clark squeezed Lex's body. Finally, Clark realized what he had done and carefully lay Lex back on the bed. "I'm so sorry, Lex..." 

Jonathan and Martha held Clark when the orderlies wheeled Lex's body from the room. Lionel followed to make arrangements with the funeral home. Jonathan stopped him and stared into the older man's eyes. No words were spoken, just a knowing acknowledgment of the horror of that day. 

* * *

_i'm sorry, daddy_... 

_i didn't tell_... 

_you hurt me so much_... 

_did you ever love me_? 

_life hurt_... 

_i hurt_... 

_free now_... 

_clark, i tried_.. 

_clark_ , _don't hate me_.... 

* * *

The official cause of death was a ruptured esophagus with drug induced heart failure... but Clark knew Lex had begun to die months before. Clark also knew there wasn't anything more he could have done. Many sessions with Dr. Sayed pounded that into his alien brain. But still. He had loved Lex. Why wasn't that enough? Isn't love supposed to be enough? 

Lex was buried next to his mother in Metropolis underneath the beautiful marble monument. Clark visited the grave several times a week, always bringing a plastic toy Greek soldier rather than flowers. Lex would have appreciated the thought. Alexander the Great. 

Clark knew he would never love anyone ever again like he had loved this man. They were supposed to be the stuff of legends. Now, he would have to be the legend all by himself. 

End 


End file.
